I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
YAS. BRING CRAB.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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