I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
