You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
