Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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