He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
