Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
