There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
