Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
