I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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