my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
