i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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