Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
