I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
