a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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