we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
