My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
