I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
