i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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