you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
