i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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