I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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