i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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