You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
