dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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