oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
