You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
