I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I am midnight drunk by noon
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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