I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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