ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
