Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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