I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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