Got a toothbrush?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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