Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
