i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
