no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
