I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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