he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
