you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
MIDGETS
????
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
