I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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