I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
