How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
