Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
