she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
