Pappa wants mamma naked
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
