shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
