On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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