did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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