I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
