I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
