What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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