Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
