So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
